Growing, Pains

Billie Myers

Husky-voiced Billie Myers was discovered in a London club by a producer who saw her dancing and suggested that if she could sing as well as she moved her hips, she should give him a call. The seemingly tacky pickup line was actually a legitimate business proposition, and three years later Myers has a major-label debut to show for it. Produced by Desmond Child (not the initial dance-club Casanova, in case you were wondering), Growing Pains is a standard-issue MOR rock record, clinging to every plodding '80s aesthetic in the book. Smoldering guitar chords, synthetically programmed drum rhythms, and big splashy choruses earmark the disc, while Myers does her best to sound like a predictable cross between Alanis Morissette and Joan Armatrading. On "A Few Words Too Many," she conjures the indistinct balladry of John Waite, while on "Tell Me" she gets "exotic," thanks to the accompaniment of a flute and sitar. Sgt. Pepper, this ain't. The funk-lite of "The Shark and the Mermaid" is slightly less annoying, but it's too little, too late in an album that willingly redefines the standards of blandness. --Aidin Vaziri

Growing, Pains Album: